Amanda Cook sings a song called “Pieces”. The main verse is “You don’t give your heart in pieces”. All the lyrics are insanely inspiring, comforting, and help to open up my eyes and get to know God a little better each time I hear them. However, this one line is something that has struck me today.
It makes me melt when I recognize how accurate these words are. He gives his WHOLE heart to each one of us. We, in return, tend to give him little pieces at a time if any at all. And sometimes we even take pieces back, or at least we think we do.
Have you ever seen the picture with the little girl and her teddy bear behind her back? Well, it’s right here if you haven’t.
We are so hesitant to let him embrace us and give us everything we need and desire. Yet, we sit here and complain about how little we have, and we cannot even give that up sometimes because we are too doubtful of his love and capabilities.
-What if it gets worse?
-I’m not worthy of that
-I love what I have, I don’t need anything else
-This is all I know, I can’t give it up
We make up a thousand excuses in our minds. If only we could actually see what was behind his back, his plan, the whole blueprint of our life, we would trust him with it. “Oh yeah, that looks good. Okay, let’s go with it” What would be the point of our relationship with him if we did that?
I personally have struggled with this as long as I can remember. I love control and the instant I don’t have it I panic. Any piece of my heart I might have given God before I’ve snatched back. convinced I have the best in mind for myself. I know myself better, I understand what I need.
So, when this happens what does He do? He sits there and continues to give his whole heart. How is this even possible? How does that work? Why would He even want to do that? I question this often. I wonder why He chooses to do this. And then I wonder if there will ever be a time where I can give my whole heart in return.
I really hope so. Because giving it in pieces isn’t doing me any good. All I want is to peek behind his back and see what he has for me. Then I can figure out if it’s worth trading for something else or if it fits into my plan. The one I think I can stick to despite well, life. “Yee of little faith.”(Mathew 8:26) That’s me. I hate to admit it, but I believe it’s the first step. Giving a little piece of my heart because that’s all I can do for now.
I do wonder what it’s like to be in a place where I can do that. What a simple prayer I can say. Just ask Him to teach me to give Him my whole heart. Or at least to start small; give him some, not taking any back, but continuing to allow myself to let the walls down and give Him what I can. Knowing He will prepare me to do so.
Are you in this place? Or something similar to it? I want to hear your story, advice, what you have learned, what questions you’re still asking. We’re all looking for something, we might as well learn and grow with each other in the process.
Until next time,
(God, I pray for whoever reads this that You use these words for their good and for their needs specifically. And that anything I might have said that does not align with Your Word and beliefs that You change it so that it does.)