Forgive Me

Due to the recent chaos involving the "c" word. This is how I refer to it because I am so tired of seeing and hearing it... I'm not downplaying it, I'm just tired of the attitudes, behaviors and fears that word brings.


I've struggled to figure out how to deal with all of this. I'm one to see the worst-case scenario so naturally all of this freaks me out. And I know I'm not alone. However, I was irrationally freaking out. I was looking for all the wrong things. In the midst of this panic, I had forgotten who's really in control.


I was so worried about so many different things that I wasn't focusing on what was really important. I was selfishly thinking about how this impacts me and how I can control the situation. Until I realized, I can't. I can't control any of this other than how I choose to handle it.


When I was reading my devotional, 2 Timothy 1:7 came up:


For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.

I was instantly reminded that this fear was pulling me away from God and his truths and promises. It was pushing me to rely on myself and not on the creator of the universe. The one who can change it all, the healer, the restorer, the one who replaces fear with the truth if we listen to him. Something that's not easy when everything around us feels negative and discouraging. But he's still there.


I was also reminded of the power and importance of prayer. Not only for ourselves and our families but for those at high risk as well as the nurses, doctors, the people cleaning the spaces we are in, the small businesses, the grocery store workers. Not to mention, prayers for our nation, for the president whether you like him or not, that's not the point. Praying for the other countries that are in a much worse place than we are right now. Praying for those who have lost loved ones.


I think I convinced myself that some of these prayers were too big. But who am I to say that? If that's what I think, I'm basically saying I don't think God is capable. That he's not big enough for this. How wrong I was. And that's why I'm asking God to forgive me.


To forgive me for all the fear that I've allowed in instead of focusing on him and the promises he has to take care of me. To forgive me for my lack of time spent in prayer for those who need it most. My lack of belief. My hesitancy to ask him for help with the big stuff. My selfishness. My lack of patience. My ability to belittle the God of the universe.


So, while the world feels like it's in complete chaos, I'm going to remind myself who holds this world in his hands. I'm going to remind myself who's in charge and who created us, who takes the worst of things in this life and turns them around into something beautiful.


I know it's hard to see now, but it will be okay. There's hope. Thank God that he's in control because we can't control this ourselves. Continue to pray hard and big prayers because we have a God who will meet us there and do more than we can ever imagine. But if we don't ask, how will we ever see those things come to life?


Here's to hope. To giving up our need for control. To replacing the fear with faith. To remembering how precious our time is here. To trusting him and finding him in the midst of all of this.


Praying big for you all.


-A




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© of Aubree DeVisser 2019